Transformational Trauma and Healing: How to Heal From Trauma and PTSD

Join me in my fascinating conversation with James Gardner, tbi survivor with a history of multiple near-death experiences.

To learn more about James, please visit his website or you can find and connect with him on Instagram.

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Transcript

2:29 - Carrie Rickert Hi, James, welcome. Thank you so much for joining us today.

2:35 - James Gardner Thank you for having me, it's such an honor. Thanks for your beautiful intro, introduction and yeah, just welcoming on your A pot is a real pleasure.

2:43 - Carrie Rickert Absolutely. We are glad to have you. I'd really love to start from the beginning, talk to us a little bit about your childhood and your early experiences with trauma.

2:58 - James Gardner Oh wow, how long have we got? So my life started off pretty ordinary, but then, at the age of five, I was in a catastrophic car accident, which Which totally derailed my, my, my whole life to be honest, and um, I wasn't expected to survive. I was put in a, well, doctors and paramedics and everything struggled to get me in a, an induced coma. And then I was in a coma for months and didn't think that I would come off a life support machine, and if I did, I'd have serious brain damage. So yeah, in one thing my dad tells me is that one day the doctors came in to him and said, Oh, we think we, we might as well turn the machine off because James's brain is so badly damaged, so he's not really worth it.

4:11 - James Gardner And my dad said, absolutely not, and he's gonna pull through Um, so I was given more time on the life support machine and then I eventually started to breathe unaided by myself. So, that was a shock to everyone. But when I came out of a coma, my brain, yes, badly damaged and I was paralyzed on the left side of my body. So I couldn't, like I remember being in a hospital bed and my left hand was like in a fist, like it was all scrunched up and it wouldn't open or do anything. So I used to like have giggles with myself trying to open it with my right hand and that amused me for hours.

4:55 - James Gardner But yeah, and I couldn't walk or talk or do anything. I struggled to sit up. Then it was lots of rehab, physical therapy, speech therapy. Basically. I was, I was a rag doll and had to learn how to be a person again.

5:16 - Carrie Rickert Okay.

5:17 - James Gardner yep, so that that's the nuts and bolts of, I had to learn how to be a person again because I was like this empty shell of a person, this little boy who didn't know who I was, what I was doing or anything. So that's basically where it or the starting point.

5:37 - Carrie Rickert Got it. So how long were you in the hospital and doing rehab?

5:44 - James Gardner While I was in the hospital, I think about about just every year.

5:50 - Carrie Rickert Okay.

5:51 - James Gardner but they, yeah, they really didn't expect me to do very well, but I, I learned to walk again cause I'm like quite determined and my family are very supportive and my dad like have driven me like you will walk and keep trying and try harder. And so that's kind of been a mantra that I've been brought up on is to keep trying, try harder and there's no such word as can't and you won't give up and so that's sadly, well, to a certain extent.

6:22 - Carrie Rickert sure, yeah, absolutely. I know with my own experience and certainly I was much older when I was in my car accident and had a traumatic brain injury. But um, I Persistence and determination was, you know, what got me through the hospital and through all of those therapy sessions and everything else. So I totally get that, been your most persistent struggles from your traumatic experiences. I guess start with that 1st one and then I know you've had three near death experiences.

7:06 - James Gardner No so. Oh, that's a great question. Well, when I like started to get back into being a normal person and getting back to a normal life and And obviously I was very young, as you mentioned there, going back into like to mainstream school, because I went to a, a special school for special needs children to start off with. But then going back into mainstream school, obviously I was very different. I looked different. I could walk properly, I walk with a limp. My arm was bent all the time. I talked funny.

7:47 - James Gardner Obviously I was complete alien to other kids, so I felt different.

7:55 - Carrie Rickert Oh, that's terrible.

7:56 - James Gardner That's the biggest thing. Was like I felt different. I felt like I didn't fit in. Like finding a sense of belonging. That's been a big thing through the years.

8:07 - Carrie Rickert absolutely kids. Kids can be so mean, especially You know, when there are obvious differences, it, it can be so hard for a child to, you know, you think you needed to assimilate to be. The same as everyone else. And and really what the schools should be doing is accommodating you so that you can be the best version of you.

8:39 - James Gardner Absolutely, and they teach you that to a degree.

8:44 - Carrie Rickert Okay,

8:44 - James Gardner Children are children and like they're gonna respond like there's a with alien person in the room and like he's not like us and he's different. So that what?

8:53 - Carrie Rickert Great.

8:54 - James Gardner that was a struggle growing up and like learning to accept myself,

8:59 - Carrie Rickert Uh huh.

8:59 - James Gardner I think we all struggle learning to accept who we are and where we are and the hand that we've been dealt with in life, so growing up that's been been a challenge, And it's still to us little degree a bit of a thing, but that was my, my biggest, Challenge Yeah,

9:22 - Carrie Rickert Your biggest struggle, Yeah.

9:24 - James Gardner yeah. And then, yeah, just finding my place in the world, like finding my, well, as I talk about later, I'm like, yeah, finding out my place in the world is, is a big thing, been a struggle and a, a mission that I've been on. And then, as I said, like I've been driven. That determination I've had since an early age. So that's the only thing I K, I've had to go on is to be determined and to be aggressive. And I think trauma and Sometimes having a brain injury, it makes you a little bit more aggressive and determined and, and you're in that beast mood a little bit more and other people who aren't in that, that.

10:14 - James Gardner Don't have that dynamic going on, don't really understand it.

10:16 - Carrie Rickert Sure.

10:17 - James Gardner They think, well why is this person say vicious all the time? And I'm like, it's not me being vicious, it's just the way I operate.

10:25 - Carrie Rickert You being determined, Yeah, yeah, How do you think those initial struggles of trying to fit in and to find your place in the world, how has that shaped your life then and now?

10:45 - James Gardner Oh, I love that question shaped my life well, obviously made me determined and I don't give up easily. And once I have a goal, I go after it with everything I've got. But I'd say Um, it's made me. Because I, I've like struggled to be accepted and then fit in and everything. It's made me more understanding of other people's struggles and where they're coming from, and it's made me more empathetic. Build like the jobs I do, the work I do, it's helped me, having gone through all the struggles that I have to, to be more empathetic, to be more approachable with people, to, put myself in another person's shoes and, and really Not just give, like, not just like say, Oh, I, I can.

11:49 - James Gardner I can imagine what that was like, but actually say I, I know what that's like because I've, I've been through all this and obviously, like you said, having three near deaf experiences, I mean the 1st one obviously the car crash, but then um, through work stress I had um, a liver abscess which blew up and then pushed on all my organs and then I, I thought I was having a heart attack, that was bit traumatic. And then a few,

12:21 - Carrie Rickert Sorry.

12:22 - James Gardner yeah, then like six years ago, I I was at the time training for the London Marathon because I was putting my stretching myself with gold thanks to Tony.

12:35 - Carrie Rickert Sure, and you're determined?

12:37 - James Gardner Yeah, yeah, and it was Tony Robbins idea. So you have to do, have to do what Tony says. Yeah. So I was training for the London Marathon and then I got diagnosed with a brain tumor.

12:50 - Carrie Rickert Wow.

12:50 - James Gardner it was growing at the side of my head because my dad like spotted it one Christmas on the, on the couch and he was like, what's that lump on the side of your head? And I was like, Oh, it's probably just a cist and it will go away. And then, then it was a persistent syst. And then I went to the Dr., and I said, oh, it's now rubbing on my glasses, like, when's it going to go away? So she sent me for a scan and then it turned out to be this massive brain tumor that had displaced half my brain and eroded through my skull and it's coming out the right side of my head by my ear and so,

13:25 - Carrie Rickert Wow.

13:26 - James Gardner yeah, and then, my learned math and training and um, then I got put on the waiting list for um, brain surgery. And then whilst I was on the waiting They had to make a titanium plate to go in my head where my skull had been eroded. So that was all a big, big thing. It was a twelve hour surgery. But because I was so fit, because I was on a mission, I was like because I couldn't do long distance running at the time, I then switched to short distance running. So I was training for the hundred meter, spread.

14:11 - James Gardner So I was, I was thinking, oh, let's go to the Paralympics in Tokyo in a couple of years. So I was like planning on that and then, so I was physically in tip top condition. I was like competing, I was like competitive athlete. So I sailed through the surgery and I was meant to be in the hospital for um, like a week and I was like there for two days and then they let me out and I was back running the the following day. So.

14:43 - Carrie Rickert Wow. Wow, that's uh, well, you know, it's interesting that you say that because I was, when I had my car accident and my brain injury, I was tip top shape. You know, working out was like my outlet for just about everything. Thanks. So part of the reason they think that I did as well as I did with the kinds of injuries that I had was because of physical fitness.

15:17 - James Gardner absolutely. And that, that's interesting. What you said, it was like your outlet. That is like my coping mechanism now is sports and I go to the gym and I do weight lifting and I don't run anymore because I've injured my knee badly.

15:27 - Carrie Rickert Yes.

15:34 - James Gardner So I don't,

15:34 - Carrie Rickert Okay.

15:35 - James Gardner don't compete, but I still like sports and I still go to the gym like every other day. And that is my, my, my coping Goodness and my outlet, as you said.

15:47 - Carrie Rickert Absolutely. I I I feel you on that one because it it is my outlet as well.

15:54 - James Gardner And it's true what they said, like it the endorphin rush helps with depression and gives you that energy boost. And if I haven't been to the gym, I know that I suffer. So I make it a,

16:06 - Carrie Rickert Yes.

16:07 - James Gardner I make it a priority and it's, something I have to do and because of my work now I start work early in the morning so I have to rearrange my schedule to be at the be up at four a m so I can go to the gym at five a m and fit it all in and people are like well why are you getting up at four a m and I'm like so I can go to the gym for two hours before work cause if I don't I'll be I'll be grouchy and like I just won't be able to do my job.

16:39 - Carrie Rickert Totally understand. And I am a morning person too. I would much rather get up early,

16:45 - James Gardner I know. Yeah,

16:46 - Carrie Rickert my workout in and then,

16:46 - James Gardner my friend.

16:49 - Carrie Rickert then go on with the rest of my day.

16:52 - James Gardner i've got a friend and she goes like she's there at ten o'clock at night and I'm like no it's I go to bed at eight o'clock or nine o'clock is like,

16:59 - Carrie Rickert I'm, I'm in bed, yeah, I'm definitely in bed by then, so.

17:03 - James Gardner Exactly, I'm a morning person. I have to, yeah, set my day up for success and that starts with the gym.

17:12 - Carrie Rickert totally agree with you on that one, so tell us a little bit. Tell us about the light switch moment you had Um, that kind of got you from the child who was helpless to where you are today. Was there, was there a light switch moment?

17:31 - James Gardner Oh yeah, I really like this, this story. Yeah, I was, I've been very fortunate and I've done a lot of amazing things and one of them was I got to work as a magazine journalist. In Dubai.

17:46 - Carrie Rickert Wow.

17:48 - James Gardner cause my parents had property out there and my dad was working and he knew someone, he knew someone. And they invited me to do an internship at a magazine publisher out there. And then, I got hired to do a job on a magazine and then I got, asked to be an editorials assistant on a Squire. And then whilst I was working on a Squire, my editor asked me, would I stay late one night to do a phone interview with Jack Canfield? And I was like, who is this Jack Candle person? I think I've heard of him, think he's like that, that Tony Robbins, Ra motivational guy.

18:30 - James Gardner I'm like, not sure I really want to stay behind late at work to do this, intervene. But because I was like, you never say no and like, you do your best and, and I wanted to make a good impression. I stayed late one night and I think it was like fine or ten o'clock at night that I found Jack canfield's office in the states and his p a answered and I said oh it's James from a squire like can I speak to Jack so she transferred me to jack's um office and um yeah I interviewed Jack because he was flying out to dubai in a few weeks to do a seminar and um I'd done a little bit of research on Jack before the interview and like I'd heard about the law of attraction, so I want to pick his brains on this law of attraction.

19:18 - James Gardner I, I like really said, is it true that you can just shut your eyes and picture a red Ferrari and then it's gonna manifest? And he was like, well, you need to work out the steps to get there and if it's really what you want and break it down. And I was like, oh, that's really interesting. And then it was like in the interview it was like, he gave me, he was coaching me, he was like, like telling me about his success principles and said like number one success principal he teaches is you have to take one hundred percent responsibility for your life And then it was like that was the light bulb moment.

19:58 - James Gardner That was like, is that a thing, can you do that? I'm like, Wow. And then like he told me about his um, what is the event plus reaction equals outcome? Equation. And like I was like really like, ohh, wow, this is cool. So then that, that got me into the personal development space and into the open my eyes to coaching world.

20:27 - Carrie Rickert Hello.

20:29 - James Gardner and then I was working on another magazine because I, I become a subbed by that time. So then I was a group subbed are on a Ma, another magazine, Big Celebrity Mag, one of the biggest celebrity magazines in the And um, I was, I was like managing all these magazines and I was like so tired and rushed off my feet and trying so hard and I didn't really understand what, what I was going through. I was just trying my hardest and exhausted all the time, still going to the gym and going swimming and doing all these things.

21:07 - James Gardner I was even doing horse riding. I like out in the desert when it was like 90 degrees, I was doing horse riding lessons on a Monday night and doing this and doing that and like I was burnt out, but I didn't know I was burnt out. And then one,

21:22 - Carrie Rickert Store.

21:22 - James Gardner one evening it was like press day on our maga, on our weekly magazine, and my editor was like crack cracking the whips, so to speak, and I was like editing the T V pages 'cause that was one of my jobs. Like I would do the T V page for the magazine. And I had to pick the movie of the week and it was like the Smurf Two movie. And I was like writing a synopsis of what the movie was. And I was like, Writing this thing about blue people in the middle of the desert when you're naked and is this really what you want to do with your life?

22:02 - James Gardner And then I had what Jack said like about taking f responsibility, and I was like, I don't really want to do this. I needed to change it and do something more fulfilling. I'm not really happy, I'm just tired and yeah, so that was like the aha moment, the, the moment where I was like, I can actually decide what I want to do rather than just being a good boy and like saying yes and doing my best and Never being allowed to say no, that's not what I want to do. So yeah,

22:30 - Carrie Rickert Who?

22:31 - James Gardner I reluctantly gave in my notice on that job because I was like, I was homesick and I was struggling. So yeah, I turned my life around, moved back to the U. I followed up with Jack and did some life coaching with Jack and through some of his work with he did a book on eft and tapping and I, I was like, well, this is, this is bizarre, this tapping thing. So I got his book on tapping and like I did some further research because obviously I was still in journalist mode. So I did some research into Eft and then that led me to another book and then I did some energy type research.

23:20 - James Gardner And then it got me into energy psychology. And then I discovered Dr. Bruce Lipton, don't know if you've heard of Bruce and the biology of belief. And then I was watching a video with Dr. Lipton and then he started talking about post traumatic stress disorder. I was like, Oh, this sounds bit like me. And then that's all the light bulbs and the little spark of light that I've been that I've been looking for for like almost 30 years by this point. That's when the pieces started to drop and I was like, yeah, my digestion doesn't work.

24:02 - James Gardner And he's saying like during trauma and stress, your digestion doesn't work because your brain like ciphers energy to more important bits that help save a life rather than digesting a steak or something. So it's like, oh, that's really interesting. So then I did a lot of research on Ptsd and I was like, Oh, this, this is, this is me, this is what happened to me. And then I learned about the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. And then I was like, This makes a lot of sense to me.

24:36 - James Gardner And then I had a, some friends in the well being space and he said, oh you should go and seee my friend who does raki. And so I went and had this rake. K massage. And she said, Oh, you should do mindfulness meditation. And I'm like, No, no, no, I don't do meditation, I can't sit still, it's boring. So she gave me her Cd with one of those la, la, pretty,

25:06 - Carrie Rickert San.

25:07 - James Gardner soundtracks, thank you, We waterfall. And I was like, oh, this is just making me anxious. But I persisted and then I relaxed and then I got into that head space and then I persisted and then over time I got really into meditation then.

25:24 - Carrie Rickert I, I had that same joy cause it was like,

25:27 - James Gardner and then it's like exactly,

25:28 - Carrie Rickert you want me to sit still.

25:31 - James Gardner and I went to see, a Ptsd Counselor And he was like, Oh yeah, just sit outside and watch the world go by and look at the birds. And I was like, Are you crazy? I've got better things to do and like I need to be doing stuff. Through all that whole deal. It's like being learning to slow down and be mindful and like being in the present. And then like once you learn how to slow down, take your foot off the brake and the accelerator. Because when you're in trauma you have your feet on the accelerator and the brake, so you just can't really go anywhere and you're burning energy trying to spin wheels that don't spin and then it's exhausting.

26:18 - James Gardner So then when you learn to slow down, take your foot off the break, then you can see the wood for the trees and, and just then fill what it's like to be you. And then, still where your boundaries are, and what feels right and what feels wrong, and then you slow down and then you can experience the world and realize you're not alone and everything's not against you. It's just perception of things and but when you're like going a hundred miles an hour in your head, you just can't see that.

26:55 - Carrie Rickert May.

26:56 - James Gardner So learning to slow down and be a be a person or recognize my own presence for who I amm. That that's when I've gone from this traumatized child into this adult who, who, like has written books and done amazing things and traveled the world and, and all these things and yeah, that. So that was like the turning point was maybe that Jack Canfield interview, Slash coaching session, when he said, well, you can take full responsibility of a life and learn to say no and ask for help. And I was like, these are new concepts that no one's ever told me about.

27:38 - James Gardner Is it true.

27:42 - Carrie Rickert I understand that too. I, I had a similar experience. I, all my life I have been a very independent person and like I can take care of it, I can do it. And and when you have the kind of trauma that you and I both have, you do have to learn how to slow down and take care of yourself and ask for help. Support in order to be able to heal.

28:13 - James Gardner Absolutely. Yeah, that's a real big thing. That was like a big Jack had this written this book called The Adam Factor, and it was about a asking just, and that was one of his success principles. As as ask, ask. And I was like, but I don't wanna ask cause it makes me seem weak and I'm not weak and I can do it all by myself and I don't need anyone's help and no one can do it as well as I can. So therefore I'm just gonna struggle on my own and then you struggle when you're exhausted and then you can't do it very well.

28:48 - James Gardner So then That's something I've learned in like my businesss is you can outsource things. You don't have to do everything by yourself because there are other people who just focus on that one specialty rather than you trying to do 6 million other things, and they specialize in what you're struggling with, so ask them to do it for you and they're probably do a better job to be honest.

29:18 - Carrie Rickert So tell me it. So you wrote a book, how to heal from trauma and Ptsd, and, and you talk about, in that book you talk about how you are inspired to become a coach. Tell us a little bit about that because I, I can see kind of as your journey, but how did you decide to What you've learned to help yourself and turn that into coaching others.

29:38 - James Gardner How a w. yeah, I know, I love this. So yeah, you can probably see how, how my life like slots together, which is pretty impressive. But um, yeah, it was so like when I was researching this thing that was Ptsd and stress and trauma and, and the biology of belief with Bruce slipped in and then Eft, I liked to do Eft, and then the advanced Eft with matrix re imprinting and all these cool things. And then I started to become, become a person and like my world started to fall back together and I've been struggling to put it together for years and years and years it'd been my mission and everyone been driving me and stuff.

30:33 - James Gardner Then when I started learning about all this personal development, stress and trauma and Ptsd, I was like, well, no one's ever mentioned this to me before, like my, my friend who was doing, some fashion. Stretch therapy with me. He said, Have you ever dealt with your emotional trauma? And I was like You mean, I think like this car crash was like 30 years ago, any trauma would have resolved by now. And he was like, Oh no, I think you should look at that. So I was like, Oh okay then. So I did more research and and um, Peter Levine's book Waking the Tiger,

31:16 - Carrie Rickert Fob.

31:16 - James Gardner that, that was a real eye opener. And then, so I did all this research and light bulbs, Well, and fireworks were going off my head and I was like, well, I've struggled for so long. Why is none of the physiotherapists or the surgeons or the doctors or anyone said Have you looked at emotional trauma or if you dealt with your stress or resolve whatever? Why has no one said this to me? Like there must be other people struggling the same? As me, like I need to share this knowledge with the world and get it out there.

31:54 - James Gardner And I know like Ptsd was starting to, to get um, publicized with like the, the vets from Iraq and things. But but Pts, St or trauma is not just If you're in a war, it's like, it's like if you're in a big, like a car crash or a bigger life event that is overwhelming, that you find overwhelming, overwhelmed your system. And you don't know how to deal with it. And then your body Blanks, blanks off, shuts it out and then you struggle to, to function because there's part of you that is like split off to in order to protect you.

32:41 - James Gardner So yeah, I, I sat in the library and I'm like, oh, I needed to write this book for other people to know all this knowledge.

32:48 - Carrie Rickert Oh, no.

32:50 - James Gardner And then, yeah, I got into coaching. I was in the library one day researching and then Tony Robbins was mentioned in an article I was reading, so I was like, well, perhaps I should, I need to. Follow this Tny Robbins guy and work with him or do what he's doing. So then I like got in contact with Tny Robbin's office and because I've got good friends in in Florida, I decided, oh, I could go to Florida and see my friends and then go to Tony Robbins event underneath the power within. So I did that and then I did all the Tony Robbins thing and that's how I got into the, the bigger goal setting in the land of Marathon and that's how that all happened.

33:37 - Carrie Rickert Okay.

33:39 - James Gardner so then I got into like the coaching, because I could see through doing the Jack Jacks coaching programm and then I did coach. With Tony's team And then some other coaching that Tony taught. And then I could see, oh, this is different than counseling because I've done counseling and it's not really not really changed my world or rocked, rocked my world in any way, shape or form. But this coaching really hass helped me turn my life around and see things from a new perspective. And that's like what I really liked about coaching and how I got into it.

34:20 - James Gardner It like helps you see things from a new point of view and a new way of like the coach would like, say have you seen it from this way? Or how about that? And then they ask you thought provoking. The powerful questions that, that make you think in ways that maybe you haven't thought about before. And I like the analogy that coaching is like if you're, if you're the, if you're the pictur and you're stuck in a frame and all you can see is where the the edge of the frame is. But then a coach comes along and looks at the picture head on.

35:01 - James Gardner Where there's no frame, they, they've got a better vision of, of your situation, your life where you are, wherein you're just stuck in the frame of the picture. And so, unless you've got someone who can see things that maybe you can't or interpret things differently than you I think that that's really what has helped me, like see things from a different perspective, from a different angle, see maybe where you're going wrong or where haven't thought about things like that. And that's where I got really intrigued with coaching.

35:41 - James Gardner So I then, went on to do a coaching certification. I did that a couple of years ago now, ipad Coaching was a big nine month intensive course. Not just one of these weekend workshops, which I've done a few of, but I really wanted to, to do the nitty gritty folk coaching program and then I was,

36:07 - Carrie Rickert Sure.

36:07 - James Gardner I was doing a full time job at the same time and then I thought, well, I'd do an Nlp programm at the same time. So I was like juggling a full time job and then my coaching program and then an Nlp master certification as well at the same time. Yeah, I was juggling a lot of bulls, but I was like learning the art, coaching and, and how to be present with the person and, and really. Deep in with the coaching and learn new ways of coaching and the techniques. And yeah, the model, like because I hadn't really gott the model.

36:47 - James Gardner Like people talk about models, But then there's like no one way, no one side doesn't fit all. There's like different.

36:55 - Carrie Rickert great.

36:56 - James Gardner They talk about the cookie cutter. Thing in coaching, but, but everyone's not the same. Like maybe that's why all these previous things has never worked for me because like, as you probably know, going through trauma and experience a brain injury, not many people experience that. So we're very different to most people Um, so therefore we need something that is very different or very personalized. So there therefore, like my coaching program focuses more on like the trauma aspect and the, be building your life after trauma and then creating a life that, that works for you, that you can be proud of, a life that you want to get up in the morning and, and you want to do it and most of these other other programs They just don't really work for me.

37:47 - Carrie Rickert I love that,

37:53 - James Gardner So I think it's pretty unique what we've gone through and what we can offer the world because of our trauma and everything.

37:54 - Carrie Rickert okay?

38:02 - James Gardner And I think what doesn't break you makes you stronger and then when you're strong enough, you can be resilient and show up for people in ways that maybe other people can't handle.

38:14 - Carrie Rickert can.

38:15 - James Gardner And like,

38:15 - Carrie Rickert Yeah,

38:15 - James Gardner yeah, I think that's really special.

38:18 - Carrie Rickert I agree, absolutely so What do you think the benefits for trauma survivors, who go, who are seeking out a coach, especially Tbi survivors.

38:34 - James Gardner Oh, great question. I think I touched upon it earlier. This sense of belonging, the sense of not feeling like you're accepted, like I said, I was like just put in mainstream. School with all these normal functioning children.

38:50 - Carrie Rickert Bt.

38:53 - James Gardner And then here I was barely walk struggle to talk and read and write and everything. And then I struggle with finding my place in the world. I think I now work with a lot of, neuro diverse people. And I think that like Tbi comes into that category, which is why I love,

39:14 - Carrie Rickert Absolutely.

39:15 - James Gardner love this work that I'm doing now. It's about helping people that maybe function a little bit different, their brain processes the world bit differently. It's about helping them find their sense of belonging, helping them find their resources, their coping mechanisms, and then resourcing them so they can be more independent and know what works for them and then resource them to do what works for them even more. So then that lights them up inside. Whereas when you don't know what Light you up.

39:51 - James Gardner You'll not let up.

39:54 - Carrie Rickert So you're you are. Empowering people to advocate for themselves in such a way that they can find the thing that lights them up.

40:09 - James Gardner Absolutely, yeah, cause I knew for years I was like, I was not lit up, that spark of whatever was.

40:15 - Carrie Rickert Thank.

40:21 - James Gardner lit up in me. And my Nan said back along when I was in hospital and stuff,

40:23 - Carrie Rickert Right.

40:26 - James Gardner she said, Oh, like there's light at the end of the tunnel. And I've been looking for years for the light at the end of this very long and very dark tunnel, and now I have found the light in me. I want to help other people find the light in them as well. What lights them up, what makes them tick? And I love what Mal web M Bobbins put on Instagram a couple of weeks ago, like find what makes you happy and then do more of that. That's what I wanna help people today.

41:05 - Carrie Rickert If there is one thing you want our listeners to know No, ma. Out of their trauma. What would that be?

41:14 - James Gardner Oh, can I only pick one?

41:20 - Carrie Rickert You can take more than one.

41:21 - James Gardner Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. So um, know that you're not alone. I think you, you'll understand when you're traumatized and the world seems against you and everything's going wrong, you kind of shut yourself off from the world and it's very lonely, but you're not alone,

41:47 - Carrie Rickert yes.

41:49 - James Gardner you just feel alone. Because it's safe, because if you're alone and you shut yourself away in a room, you're safe, but you're not alone, so that's yeah. I want people to realize that they're not alone. They don't have to suffer on their own. And then the other one thing I want to add to that is. Don't be afraid to ask for help and support.

42:17 - Carrie Rickert I love that. Our listeners wanna get in touch with you. How can they do that?

42:25 - James Gardner wonderful thank you um so I'm very active on instagram I'm at coach James dot uk um yeah my my um website is um coach James dot uk as well um you can also find me on Facebook um James gardner um yeah but uh if you find me on instagram That's a really good way.

42:34 - Carrie Rickert Okay.

42:53 - James Gardner I I do videos, about three or four videos a week on there and so that's a good way to connect and you can message me on my website.

42:58 - Carrie Rickert do that.

43:03 - James Gardner I've got a free resource. People can download a Pd Pdf shortened version of my my book, how to Ofen format and Ptsd. So I've done like a quick stop guide. So it's like three Like the three pillars, like the three quick steps, you can get going rather than read a, a whole book. Cause I know like when I was struggling I, I just wanted to get going, like what, what do I need to do? So yeah,

43:30 - Carrie Rickert May.

43:30 - James Gardner I wrote this Quick Start guide like just to help get you started, but but yeah.

43:36 - Carrie Rickert I love that.

43:39 - James Gardner We all want things to be quick, although although the healing journey is not quick,

43:41 - Carrie Rickert Yes, yes.

43:45 - James Gardner but

43:46 - Carrie Rickert Nothing, uh it. The healing journey does not exist on the same timeline as I think it should, right?

43:54 - James Gardner Absolutely not no I'm I'm still going I'm still like on my healing journey even though i've been doing it since I was like five and a half I'm still going and i've just had my forty third birthday and yeah there's still things I want to do and still looking at the biology of trauma at the moment and want to write another book and yeah there's so much stuff I still want to do but It just takes time,

44:17 - Carrie Rickert Awesome. But you're still on the journey? Yep,

44:23 - James Gardner Yeah, and yeah,

44:23 - Carrie Rickert it does,

44:24 - James Gardner and it's time and yeah,

44:25 - Carrie Rickert it does.

44:26 - James Gardner and then it's like, well, I want to get quick up, but it, you can't rush. It's like someone said you can't if you plant a,

44:32 - Carrie Rickert Nope.

44:35 - James Gardner if you plant a tree and you want it to bloom into like this magnificent oak tree, you can't rush it.

44:43 - Carrie Rickert Great.

44:44 - James Gardner It takes time to manifest and grow and you just can't rush perfection or, or. I don't like that word perfection, but you can't rush what you've become like it time and then.

44:58 - Carrie Rickert You can't rush Beauty,

45:01 - James Gardner Exactly, yeah, it's like all things take time. Sometimes it's frustrating, but that's the,

45:08 - Carrie Rickert sure.

45:09 - James Gardner that's the way life is, that's, that's how it is.

45:15 - Carrie Rickert Well, thank you, James, so much for being on the podcast today. It really has been a wonderful conversation and I have enjoyed this very much,

45:25 - James Gardner Yeah, I loved it. Thanks for having me. I've enjoyed the conversation so much too. Thank you.