Transformational Trauma and Healing: How Recorded Oral Story Telling Can Help Us Stay Connected

In this episode I speak with Kara Long, founder of The Memory Collective. In it we talk about how recorded oral story telling can keep us connected with our loved ones and our ancestors, long after they are no longer around. We can preserve the important memories and stories of current and past generations to continue to pass them along to future generations.

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Transcript

2:37 - Carrie Rickert 

Hi Kara, I am so happy you're here today.

3:03 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I am so happy to be here.

3:05 - Carrie Rickert 

This is really exciting, so I'd like to start us off a little bit, talking about how you got started and why you created the Memory Collective.

3:19 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Sure, how I got started. I feel like it's been like a lifelong journey um that I I didn't know where that journey was going until basically twenty nineteen which is when um the idea kind of dropped for the memory collective but um essentially I have always loved storytelling. It's always been a really, really big part of my life, big part of my family culture. Between reading books to me when I was little, my dad making up stories, when I was little, like just making up fictional stories on the spot to entertain me.

3:59 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

The skill that I didn't really appreciate, until much, much later because I don't know, I don't know how to do that. But yeah, he could do that and he did do that routinely.

4:12 - Carrie Rickert 

That's funny.

4:12 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

and I think,

4:13 - Carrie Rickert 

My dad did that, too.

4:14 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

did he really.

4:15 - Carrie Rickert 

he did my niece and nephew. So my dad used to tell stories about this character called Bigelow, and Biglow was You know, my brother and then so my dad would tell stories about how Biglow would get in trouble and all of these things. And so my niece and nephew now every time they see my dad. Can you tell us a big, a low story before behead? I totally get that.

4:49 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

For me, my dad would tell and and, you know, it's crazy. I cannot remember the names of it was two girls, they were like my age and they would go on these like kind of camping adventures. So they were kind of a hybrid of like camping stories and ghost stories. Sometimes because I loved ghost stories. But they were always just like, you know, these two girls going on an adventure at this, like uh, we used to go to a place called Camp Christina. And again did not have an appreciation for how lucky I was to have that space when I was little.

5:27 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Because Camp Christina was at one point a Cy O camp, down in like kind of Bloomington, Indiana, like that area, and it had been decommissioned and my dad's best friends ended up with the key. To this place.

5:42 - Carrie Rickert 

Wow.

5:43 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

So it was just acres and acres and acre like hundreds of acres of no one else there. And so you literally it was a private campground and we would like full up and always put our tent on this hill where you had like an unobstructed view of the sky, and there were like whipper wheels and drink your tea. Birds, I think those are called like Rufo, cited Toki or something like that. But they would come out in the evening and sing and my dad would point out constellations and the birds and we would just like enjoy nature.

6:18 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And it did like that's what I grew up with.

6:19 - Carrie Rickert 

that a

6:21 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

So now like my camping experience is like, oh, there's like, you know, people right next door,

6:27 - Carrie Rickert 

Next.

6:28 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

can hear the other people and it's like, oh, that's not what I grew up with at all. But I had no idea how lucky I was because that was my only experience with it. So anyway, the two characters would, I think they If I remember correctly, they were at Kim. Christina daughter.

6:45 - Carrie Rickert 

Got it okay?

6:45 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

One of the characters names was Christina. And I don't, I don't know. But the point is,

6:51 - Carrie Rickert 

It kind of makes sense.

6:52 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

yeah, the point is that, storytelling has just always been a really big part of my life, my upbringing. And when I lost, I lost my brother. When I was twelve, this was my, he was my step brother, he was twelve years older than me and he drowned,

7:12 - Carrie Rickert 

Okay.

7:14 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

of all things.

7:16 - Carrie Rickert 

Wow.

7:17 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

it was came as a massive shock to the family. We still don't really know exactly what happened, other than his heart must have stopped while he was swimming and The is, you know, the trauma of that.

7:34 - Carrie Rickert 

sure.

7:35 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Less than a year later, my dad got sick and went into the hospital and they didn't. Know what was wrong with them. And by the time they discovered what was wrong with them, which was amyloidosis, it's a pretty rare protein disorder. It was, it was too late, like it had already done too much damage to his body. And I don't think they even really to this day, I don't think there is a cure. I don't think they've made a lot of progress on treating that disease.

8:03 - Carrie Rickert 

a one.

8:04 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

So I lost my brother Brian when I was twelve and my dad when I was 13. So that definitely shaped me in a,

8:13 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure.

8:13 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

in a really big way, My Aunt Pat, who is like my childhood hero, also got diagnosed with stage four breast cancer, and I remember it as being right around the time that my dad got sick. I don't actually know if that's true. I just know that they were not, and I understand why my family was not telling me everything that was going on because I just lost my brother and my dad, and Aunt Pat was like my favorite person. She was the one who, like, really encouraged me to write and she taught me how to draw and she was just so empathetic and kind and compassionate and I learned a lot of, like, I think a lot of who I am came from her because she was just so influential to me.

8:59 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

So when she was sick, you know, that was another like really, really heavy blow and also like a different, all three different ways of losing people. You've got Brian, where it was just and instant. And then my dad It was a like you kind of sense that something was wrong. And then the, you know, he was in the hospital for about four months, So it was a rapid progression. But with Aunt Pat, it was nine years of watching her deteriorate.

9:34 - Carrie Rickert 

Wow.

9:36 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

She fought stage four breast cancer that had metastasized to her spine. She thought that for nine years, which is incredible,

9:45 - Carrie Rickert 

An incredible woman.

9:45 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

but Yes, incredible and also heartbreaking because you see her cognitive abilities deteriorating, her physical body deteriorating, and she just by the end she was not the person that I knew all those years ago.

10:05 - Carrie Rickert 

And that is so hard. I remember my, my grandmother had Alzheimer's and Mind. See her was the last time I saw her before she passed away, and that was not who she was. Still bothers me that like when I picture her, that's what I picture because had forgotten how to eat by that point. So she was stick thin and just emaciated and looked terrible and didn't know who anyone was, and and That makes me really upset. Like that's how I remember. So like I can understand why I understand completely what you're saying about your Aunt Pat, that, that like, It makes it almost more painful to that be your memory.

11:14 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Exactly, it was the same with my dad as well, because with amyloidosis, for whatever reason, it turns your hair white and because he, he went into a coma for about a week. His heart stopped. They were doing a biopsy to try and figure out what was wrong and while he was in the biopsy his his heart stopped and he went into a coma for about a week and he did come out of it, but he was never the same. After that, he had to go to all kinds of physical therapy and his heart stopped over 20 times over the next four months.

11:51 - Carrie Rickert 

Well.

11:53 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

That in and of itself is just mind boggling, because the human heart is not designed to do that. Withstand that. He was a marathon runner, so we can maybe attribute it to that. Like he just had a really strong heart, but He was not again, like even within those four months, he was just not the person that I remembered him being. I didn't know how to communicate with him. It was, it was really difficult to see him.

12:20 - Carrie Rickert 

And that's a hard time of life for a kid too. I mean middle school, that's Terrible. And to have such traumatic things happen in middle school, you count on to be gone that, wow.

12:41 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

It was a lot. For sure and it, like I said, it had a huge, huge impact on me and you know it. Looking back, I don't know if You know, I blocked some of that out, which contributed to what I later experienced when I was trying to take inventory of like the stories that I did have with my brother, with my dad, with Aunt Pat. My grandma on my dad's side passed away when I was 17 and she, I was very close with Herr, she kind of helped raise me. I would see her almost every day after school. So it was just kind of like back to back to back to back losses it was when I was you know I think I was around twenty two Now this would be my mom's mom, my Grandma Joe, short for Josephine.

13:37 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

She came to live with us for a while and she was born in Italy. I was really curious about my heritage and um, and I just didn't know that much about grandma's past. And so we sat down on the couch and I asked her questions about Herr Life and she answered and we had like this, it was like, It was just magical like to be able to one learn about her, learn about where I came from and where mom came from and where grandma came from learn a little bit more about my heritage. And there was like this little voice in my head as grandma was talking that was saying you should be recording this.

14:21 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And another little voice came on and was like, now I'll remember it. Like this is important to me, like of course I'll remember it. I'm actively listening, I'm making core memories right now, like I don't need, I don't need the recording. Three years later when she passed away and I took inventory. Stories I could remember I couldn't like, I could remember like a handful of details, but we probably talked for an hour or more. I could remember she had a goat named Opal that she had a like, they lived on a farm in Kentucky and she came to the Us when she was like three years old and out of the hour plus of content.

15:06 - Carrie Rickert 

Wow,

15:10 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

What I just summarized is what I can remember and

15:13 - Carrie Rickert 

mean, oh, Boll feels like something you would remember.

15:17 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yes, yes. Especially I love animals so of course I gravitated to that but I'm just going like that's crazy and at that point you know I was twenty five when she passed away that's not me you know having like old age related memory issues it's.

15:36 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure, that's just normal human beings like you can. You know it may be in the, in the recesses of your mind someplace, but you know, accessing that is not quite so so easy.

15:51 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Great. So that's when I started to take inventory of what other memories do I not remember. And then I realized what I expected to be able to do with Brian, dad, Aunt Pat, Grandma. I expected to just be able to list off like memories as if it were like a Rolodex. I couldn't, I, there were some that I could like, I definitely still have memories, but it's like I know that I had more than what I currently have. Where did the others go, whyy don't I still have them? They were important to me. I had that realization, but I still wasn't looking at things like this is a problem that needs to be solved and I'm the person to do it.

16:35 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

It was just like, well, that sucks. Like that's not what I expected, but that's just a part of life and I kind of moved forward. And then, it was when so, my husband's great uncle Al was a world war two vet um,

16:52 - Carrie Rickert 

Is.

16:54 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

loved to tell world war two stories. He would tell them to anyone who would listen, whether they wanted to listen to him or not. He just loved to tell those stories. He was very proud and we were very proud of him. I mean things that he experienced, like listening to his stories. I learned more about world war two and now like, have a greater appreciation for what they really did than I ever did in school learning about world war two.

17:19 - Carrie Rickert 

And in.

17:24 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And that's like, one of the reasons that I love storytelling so much is like when you hear it from someone who experienced it directly, it is so much different than just reading about historical facts in a textbook,

17:35 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure,

17:36 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

so much more impactful.

17:36 - Carrie Rickert 

sure. Oh, definitely.

17:42 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

This would be my husband. Since Aunt came into town and she was like, Karra, I've got a recorder, like I've got a a camcorder and I've got a tripod and I've got all the stuff and I wanna record Uncle Al's world war two stories, but I have no idea how to do that. Can you help me? And so I was like, Yes, I can help you, I know how to do all that stuff. So I went over and as a family we just sat and listened to Uncle, I'll tell his world war two stories. And that's kind of when I had this realization of like, we can just do this.

18:17 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Anyone could just sit down. Record, like ask questions to an elder or to anyone in the family and just record their responses and then they're recorded forever. You don't ever have to worry about. I can those three details of the hour long conversation that I had with my grandma or I never got to have those conversations.

18:35 - Carrie Rickert 

in morning.

18:43 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

With my dad or Aunt Pat or my Grandma Florence that I lost when I was 17. Like if a company like mine had existed and they had known about it, I'd like to think that they would have used it. And the impact that that would have on me now. I mean it would be priceless to have my dad's voice, I haven't heard his voice in over 20 years. Very long winded answer of you know how and kind of why I started my company.

19:19 - Carrie Rickert 

All right.

19:19 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

It's to to try and prevent the losses and what I realized were unnecessary losses. You can't prevent someone from passing, you can't predict how or when or the circumstances of when, like the, the death,

19:37 - Carrie Rickert 

May.

19:38 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

but what you can do, the memories, the Li the memory that they have, that they take with them when they pass away. That is something that we actually can keep and the impact that that can have is It's priceless, it's uh, it's something that don't typically think about until it's too late. And so that's my job now is to make sure that people are aware that there is a solution to that problem.

20:03 - Carrie Rickert 

Yep. tell us a little bit about a recorded oral storytelling project works like what I know that obviously know a little bit about this, right? Because I am working with you to do two projects, one with each of my parents. Because upon meeting you I was like, Oh my God, I wish I had this from my grandparents and my children and my grandchildren and my great grand Children They need this from my parents. Tell us what the project entails.

20:54 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

sure. I know my, my business coaches wouldn't want me to say like I've got just like one major thing that I do, but the reality is I want to be able to help people in as many situations as possible. I have developed a a wide scale of ways to help people. What it all boils down to is recorded oral storytelling, which is actually what we're doing right now. Technically, It just means that a person is talking, they are sharing stories or thoughts, and those thoughts and stories are being recorded.

21:36 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And so that is ultimately what I end up doing for people. The way that I do that is, I'm gonna determine. Like, do you want to interview your family? Or do you Like maybe you don't know where to start and you just need resources of how to get started. You want to do the interviewing and you don't know how to do the rest of it, but we can get, I can help you get started with those resources of doing it yourself.

22:06 - Carrie Rickert 

Okay.

22:06 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

On the other end of that spectrum, If you are super busy and potentially there are certain situations where it really just depends on the like, if the storyteller feels more comfortable talking with a family member, then I would recommend that the family member interviews them if as long as there's someone available to do that. In certain situations, it's easier for a storyteller to talk to a total stranger because there, there's no judgment, there's no what is my son or daughter or gran?

22:44 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Grandchild or whatever going to think about this story, like they can just tell the story without fear or judgment or anything like that.

22:51 - Carrie Rickert 

Hey.

22:56 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

in those cases or just if there isn't anyone who has the time and availability or skill set to be able to do that, I can do the entire process for them. So I will just work directly or one of my storytellers, sorry, my interviewers will work with the storyteller. And essentially what we're gonna do, whatever end of that spectrum that you're on, whether you're doing it yourself or you are, being interviewed by, someone from the memory collective, what we're doing is trying to help you piece together what are the, the impactful points of your life.

23:35 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

The kind of the famous stories that you tell over and over whenever someone's like, you know, think of a funny story that happened or When was a time that you were surprised by something like whatever it is? But you, a lot of us, have kind of a repertoire of stories that get told over and over.

23:54 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure, the go to, yeah.

23:56 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yes, exactly. So like what are those and let's list those out and what are the topics? I've got a list of topics that I will present to the storyteller and they can say like, yeah, I'm interested in talking about. Three of these or ten of these or all of these. And based on that, I kind of make a recommendation on how long it will probably take to do that. And you know, the depth and the detail, we kind of talk about that. Some people are just straight shooters and they don't talk a lot. And then there's people like me that will just jabber on for hours.

24:38 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I see both as being like, equally valid for a project, like just because you talk less.

24:45 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure, cause authentic.

24:46 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

It's authentic. That's exact, exactly. I'm to capture a person as are.

24:51 - Carrie Rickert 

they are. Yeah.

24:52 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yeah, and so the 1st stage. I would say there's kind of like three, three stages of any type of recorded oral storytelling project. Stage one is just identifying, like what do you want to talk about, what are the questions that you'd like to ask the topics, what are your go to stories, and what do you want to reflect on? If anything, It doesn't have to be reflective, but it can be As more of like a memoir, having themes like we can incorporate those things if it's important to the person.

25:23 - Carrie Rickert 

Okay, so it's really customizable.

25:28 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yes, very customizable. Because everybody's walk of life is different and interests are different. So I don't want to pigeon hole anybody into talking about something that they don't want to talk about. I want their package to include the things that are most important. To them. And if they're like me, that might include a lot of things,

25:49 - Carrie Rickert 

Thanks.

25:50 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

all the things, but you know, there might also be just like one story that you really want to tell and maybe that story is only, you know, a handful of minutes long, maybe it's an hour long or maybe it's like It's so encompassing that we do have to do like kind of an extended project on it. You could do it like that. And that's why I always, you know, I always want to sit down and talk with people and get a sensee of what their goals are and the story that they are trying to tell, whether that's a full life story with everything that you can remember or a story about like one particular thing that had a great impact on your life, that's more of like a memoir style or somewhere in between.

26:34 - Carrie Rickert 

Okay.

26:36 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

and, and then, so from there we go like stage two is where we actually meet in sessions and you just share your story and uh. Another person will listen to those stories. It gets recorded and you keep going until either you don't want to talk anymore or, or like budget limitations or time limitations, like what, whatever, that looks like,

27:01 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure.

27:02 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And then the 3rd part of that, the 3rd stage is then the audio and video editing and the I'm building a, I'm basically summarizing, kind of like the major the major points of what is talked about so that like the themes,

27:21 - Carrie Rickert 

Okay, so like themes.

27:24 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

the people that are mentioned, the places that are mentioned, the times that are mentioned, ages. And I put together a timeline and kind of like a list of relations. Because if you think about it, like you know who all of your relations are, but your kids and your grandkids and future descendants,

27:39 - Carrie Rickert 

sure they may not.

27:43 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

they won't. That's like I'm trying to to kind of pull out the highlights from what you said, put it into a document that can be easily referenced, and then that serves as well as like a genealogical document and a, I mean, like for an obituary, it would be a really, really great reference for when an obituary needs to be written, you just pull out that document. You don't have to listen to 16 h of content and figure out what needs to be said.

28:11 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure.

28:13 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

It's, it's summarized for you there.

28:15 - Carrie Rickert 

Got it, got it. So how are the interviews kept and maintained for future generations?

28:24 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

it's all either audio or video I do give people the option like if they're very very against being on video we do not have to be on video can record well and also there could be you know for say like seniors who are at an assisted living facility two thousand miles away from me like I can't it's not cost of effective for me to go out there and them, but I can still if they do not have the technology like smartphone that would have video capacity, what we could do instead is just record a phone call instead.

29:00 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And I still view that as being like massively, massively valuable to have the voice captured audio or video recordings.

29:07 - Carrie Rickert 

Oh, absolutely.

29:12 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

and then the Memory Collective can store those, that collection of either audio or video files for you. And then we can also store like your photos. My goal is to have people store all of their memory artifacts, whatever those might be, in one place so that when someone wants to go find something, it's not hunting through. Like, where is it on my hard drive? Where, Which pin drive is it on cloud service?

29:42 - Carrie Rickert 

Great.

29:43 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Is it in? How do I find it amidst all of these, you know, buried folders or whatever. I just want it to be very, very simple people know exactly where to go. So does that answer your question?

29:56 - Carrie Rickert 

I think so. So let me, let me just so like you would. Edit all the material, put it all together in this timeline and store it, and then people would get like a link or something so that they could access it,

30:12 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yep, and eventually like I,

30:13 - Carrie Rickert 

okay.

30:15 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I'm a solo preneur, so um, like there are still more steps that I'm taking actively, so like I'm having a, my new site is in development right now where people,

30:25 - Carrie Rickert 

Great.

30:26 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

you can already create an account with us, but we wanna make it, create an interface where people can just log into their account and then they can see all of their files, they can explore it. Eventually there will be an app that will allow you to do the same thing what I would say to people right now,

30:41 - Carrie Rickert 

That's awesome.

30:44 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I still wouldn't wait. Like if you're thinking about doing this, I wouldn't wait because I'm gonna grandfather everyone into that. Once that's available right now, we can still store it for you. It just doesn't look as pretty, but it will have that interface built.

30:59 - Carrie Rickert 

sure.

30:59 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I can just, I'm one person. I can only move so fast.

31:03 - Carrie Rickert 

Totally understand that. And you've mentioned some of this, but some of the different reasons that people have for wanting to keep these kinds of records so. You know, I guesss I mean for me, I don't want to lose. Information that my parents have, I don't. I and I want to understand their lives in a way that I haven't their kid, right? You know, I'm, I'm their child and maybe their adult child. I don't really know what their life was like, All I know them is as mom and dad,

31:58 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Hey.

31:59 - Carrie Rickert 

like that's my perspective and I, I feel like for me this would open that up a little bit and make them like actual people. You know, when people come to you and say, you know, I'd really like to do one of these projects, what are the, what are the reasons for it?

32:20 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Well, I mean, you already hit on, on a big reason. I think people want to know where they come from you know so much of the person that I amm. Influenced by the people who helped raise me. Which was like, all of my parents, I technically have three parents cause got a step dad who has been involved in he's, he's a 2nd, but uh, and Aunt Pat, my Grandparents, I mean, and understanding your grandparents can help you understand your parents, which can help you understand yourself.

32:57 - Carrie Rickert 

Isn't that the truth?

33:01 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I think you can see exactly,

33:01 - Carrie Rickert 

You can see patterns, generational patterns.

33:05 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

and I think that, you know, not every family situation is, this perfect nuclear family and everybody, you know, eats dinner together on Sunday nights and like it's not, it's definitely not all like that. I'm very aware of that. And for that reason, I also think that this can be helpful in healing generational trauma. Like it can help enlighten you about what trauma may have happened in previous generations, how that impacted the generations in between leading down to you, and potentially allow you to be like, okay, I see that and I I understand where it came from, and instead of being angry about it, I have compassion for what has happened in the past and, and that trauma can stop with me.

33:58 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I don't have to pass it down. So I believe in that.

34:00 - Carrie Rickert 

Hey.

34:01 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I don't know. I, I know that some people, as I start to promote that idea more, I know that they will want, they'll come to me with that in mind or as like a, not necessarily the primary reason, but it will be a reason people might come and and do work with me.

34:19 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure.

34:24 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I think one of the, one of the things that I also see is like I hear I can't tell you how many times I've heard I wish I would have found you before the Alzheimer's, before the stroke, before Parkin.

34:45 - Carrie Rickert 

barn up.

34:48 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

It's like it's not just death, it can be the death of the person as they were. In their healthy and like you talked earlier about, you know, you only have a lens of your parents through you They are actually people outside of being parents.

35:04 - Carrie Rickert 

Hey.

35:09 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

They were, they are, and it's really difficult. It's really difficult for us to see them in any other way. Like in my mind,

35:18 - Carrie Rickert 

Great.

35:19 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

my, you know, elderly little white haired grandma that I spent time with almost every day after school had always been that age,

35:29 - Carrie Rickert 

I'm right.

35:29 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

like she was just grandma like, that was Herr like, that was her character,

35:34 - Carrie Rickert 

That was your thing.

35:34 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

but of course she was not, and it would have been so cool to know what her life was like when she was growing up, and all the things that she experienced in Herr 90. Some years of living, that's one of the things that That I think people come for like they want very much like what you're saying, they want to know more. The people that they are close with, but how often do we like, has anyone ever said like Terry, let's sit down and have you tell your entire life story from beginning to end. Go, like I'll, I'll get the popcorn.

36:16 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Just tell me everything, like,

36:20 - Carrie Rickert 

That is so funny,

36:21 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Don't do that.

36:22 - Carrie Rickert 

right? That's so funny, though, because a friend of mine just said to me the other day, he's like, well, you know, nobody's ever said you weren't an over share. You know, I, I have a feeling that my home, that everyone will know my life story because I'll just share it.

36:41 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I'm the same way.

36:44 - Carrie Rickert 

But you're absolutely right. I mean, I know that the There are things about each of my parents, I mean my, my dad in especially I don't, I know he was in Vietnam and He has shared a little bit about that, but he has not shared a whole lot, and it, it was incredible. At least from what I understand, it was incredibly painful and it is painful for him to share it, but he also doesn't want. Lose. What was real about that, You know, and, and he actually has said, since we've started in on this project, he said.

37:31 - Carrie Rickert 

Oh, you're giving me a reason to get all that Vietnam stuff together and figure out like what I wanna do with that and how I wanna remember that. And I'm like, Oh, I'm so glad you're thinking about this. Like this is great, it is it. It's interesting though, because my parents are much harder cell than than I thought they would be. Like I thought, oh, they're gonna love this, they're gonna want to sit down and just talk and talk and talk and yes,

38:00 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And they they even agreed to it, right?

38:04 - Carrie Rickert 

And then when I like came down to actually starting They get pushing me off and I'm like, I, I don't understand what's going on here. Like w my mom is like, do we have to be on camera? And I'm like kind of, yeah, I mean we don't have to, but I would prefer that and You know, like I, I don't know, it's just interesting because I didn't expect the pushback that I've gotten. I mean, it hasn't been forceful pushback, but it's been enough that I've been like, Oh, you mean you're not just going home about this?

38:43 - Carrie Rickert 

Like I thought you were gonna love this idea because we are. Going to like memorialize you for eternity, like why, why don't you want me to do that? So what are some of the common objections you get and and what are your suggestions for overcoming them? Cause I, I would imagine there are people who are my age or younger even and saying we really want To do these kinds of projects with our parents and grandparents and, and so that we can have this and then the, the older generations are going, why, why?

39:27 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yep, yeah, okayy, So I, I've got like so much to say on this, probably more than we have time for, but I will, I'll just say like this is the same reaction that you did of just like, I don't understand, like why wouldn't you want to, why wouldn't you want to do this? I was on a call a mother and daughter mother, maybe in her. If I had to. Guesss maybe like Herr 60 s or something daughter maybe in her thirties and The daughter was going like just bubbly and like so excited, so exuberant, so like thrilled to get started with us.

40:12 - Carrie Rickert 

Hey.

40:12 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And I can tell that the mom's body language was like, I'm not doing this, and I attempted to kind of address like to, to just bring out like, you know, her Herr concerns out into the open so that we could talk about them and um,

40:27 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure.

40:30 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I, I'll never forget it because she said, I just don't understand why anyone would care.

40:36 - Carrie Rickert 

Interesting.

40:38 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And it like that just, and I'm sitting there like it is,

40:40 - Carrie Rickert 

That's heartbreaking.

40:42 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

it's, it is heart breaking and like her daughter's right there and her daughter's going like,

40:47 - Carrie Rickert 

The obviously guess.

40:49 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I care. I think that it's Well one, I think that we have to break through, we have, we've got to shift our mindsets a little bit. And this is one of the things that I do elders on. And not just elders, but anybody who's sitting there going like either. Who would even care? Or I don't really have any stories to tell either one of those two, what I'll call limiting beliefs, both of those. Really just require like a little bit of a shift. So what I did with the mother and daughter. I asked the mother, I was like, so let me ask you something like when lost your grandmother, were there things like looking back that you didn't get a chance to ask her?

41:47 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Are there things that you wish you could ask her now. She was like, well, yeah, of course. And I said, like, what about being able to hear her voice again or being able to see her like on video again, like wouldn't like, would you like that? And she was like, well, yeah, I was like, well. If she could tell you about like the everyday details, Herr, childhood, growing up and that would have been what like, probably like, oh I'm putting myself on the spot here but let's just say like her childhood could have started in the very very late eighteen hundreds or very early nineteen hundreds because we're talking about her grandmother.

42:38 - Carrie Rickert 

Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

42:41 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Seven probably close to like sixty five seventy year old woman and her grandmother we're going,

42:47 - Carrie Rickert 

Got it? Yes. That's about right.

42:49 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

we're going back quite a ways. And like if those little everyday details of her growing up, like, how did she get to work, did she work, How did her parents get to work, What were her parents like, Like those little Arguably insignificant details, maybe in someone's mind, because it's not some epic heroic tale,

43:14 - Carrie Rickert 

Thank.

43:15 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

you know, they're everyday details, but to us, a hundred years later, they are fascinating.

43:22 - Carrie Rickert 

Hey. Hey.

43:24 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And so what I try to help people realize is. When I say stories, I don't necessarily even mean like something with an arc, something with like character development or anything. It could just be a memory, it could be a fragment of a memory, and that is still worth sharing. But I will say everybody has a You can't go through life without having a story.

43:49 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure,

43:53 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

like how did you begin? Where are you now and how did you get there? Like that's your story.

43:57 - Carrie Rickert 

right exactly.

43:59 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

What happened in between? So for the people who say I don't have a story or I don't have stories, you don't even have to worry about what you say because that's where, like my methodology, what I've created helps you. Figure out what you're going to say and you technically don't even have to do any preliminary work.

44:16 - Carrie Rickert 

Great.

44:19 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

You could technically come in cold and I can just the questions.

44:21 - Carrie Rickert 

Answer the questions.

44:24 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Whatever you're comfortable answering, it's not an interrogation. You never have to answer anything that you don't want to But on the other side of that,

44:30 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure.

44:32 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

the who would care? It's like, well, like your family will care and even if you don't have the greatest relationship with your immediate family, because I know that there are situations like that out there,

44:45 - Carrie Rickert 

Sorry.

44:45 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

like your descendants will care, they'll be fascinated. But your like like the the mundane details of your life will become absolutely fascinating to anybody listening in the future. I always try to. If you can put yourself in the situation of like if you've lost someone, how would you feel if you could have someone else's face, where you can see them talking, you can see their expressions, you can hear their, their voice, their tone, whether they're sarcastic or not, whether they, they're animated and talk with their hands.

45:23 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

If you could see that for somebody that you love, that is what you're creating when you do a project with us, but you're doing it for someone else and maybe it requires a little bit of faith. Someone else will care, but I guarantee you that they will. I mean, like I'm a total stranger and I care.

45:40 - Carrie Rickert 

It's.

45:41 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

So like, of course someone else will.

45:45 - Carrie Rickert 

Gosh I think about if I could see any of my four. Grandparents again, that would be magical.

45:53 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yep.

45:53 - Carrie Rickert 

I could hear them tell a story about their lives. Like there's so much I don't know that that would be absolutely magical. And that's what I'm trying to get my parents to understand, is that want that information. I want to know the little details. I want my kids are someday going to want to know those little details. They may not want to hear your stories now, but they are teenagers, they don't wanna hear anybody's stories except their own,

46:28 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Give them give ten years.

46:28 - Carrie Rickert 

you exactly. So, yeah, I can. Gosh, the thinking about the Why would someone care that just, oh, that breaks my heart.

46:40 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

It's, it's heartbreaking, yeah.

46:42 - Carrie Rickert 

But it also is not, I think, that is, you know. Socio cultural expectation of, you know, particularly for women, but you know,

46:56 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yep.

46:58 - Carrie Rickert 

We're just living our lives and and there's nothing remarkable about them, and reality is every life is remarkable,

47:08 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yes.

47:09 - Carrie Rickert 

especially to the people who love them.

47:14 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

There's a uh, I've been reading um, How to Tell a Story, by, it's by the Moth. It's this book, and it is incredible. There's a quote from it that I wrote down that says sharing a story is an act of courage and an act of generosity.

47:38 - Carrie Rickert 

That makes sense.

47:39 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And when you really stop to think about it, that's, that's what I want to get through to. People is like, yes, it takes courage. Like your parents were a little bit hesitant. To do this,

47:51 - Carrie Rickert 

Great.

47:51 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

but like it takes courage to Step up,

47:54 - Carrie Rickert 

Sure, Jeff.

47:56 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yep, to step up and and potentially dredge up memories that you like are maybe unpleasant, but I, I still argue that it's good to do that. It is good it to reflect, to find silver linings in those things, to seee how those things positively impacted your life and then to really celebrate the positive stories that had a big impact. But it's that 2nd part, the like sharing a story is an act of generosity that I think that people don't, they don't think about that, they're not looking at it like I'm giving you a gift by sharing a story with you, they're viewing it the opposite way, like, oh well, I don't wanna burden you with my story, I don't wanna assume anything that you would care, and it's almost like it's a, it's almost like a self esteem issue, a self worth issue.

48:49 - Carrie Rickert 

And again, I think that's, you know, the cultural system in which we live.

48:55 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yes, yep, so I I want to help people o on that.

48:59 - Carrie Rickert 

Let's break that.

49:01 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Let's do something about that. Yeah.

49:03 - Carrie Rickert 

That's awesome. Do you think is your biggest takeaway from Doing the Memory Collective,

49:18 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Can you expand on what you mean by that?

49:22 - Carrie Rickert 

sure, so like Of all the things that you have learned by talking with other people, what do you think has made the most impact on you?

49:38 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And there's been so much,

49:42 - Carrie Rickert 

You know I always ask the easy questions.

49:48 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

I think I you one of things. That stands out to me is that including myself, like I had to learn this about myself as well, like there will always be An excuse, a re, a valid reason to put this off always will be. Like there will never be a time when you're not busy or when, you know, like I actually I had a client who she was doing, she was interviewing her mom and and I was trying to provide as much accountability as I could. But she kept putting it off and putting it off and putting it off.

50:32 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Either mom wasn't quite ready or um, oh, this thing came up or oh, she wasn't quite feeling super great that day, so we postponed it. Oh, well, we'll just wait until after the holidays or we'll just wait, we'll just wait, we'll just wait. So she did get You know, I think it was something about like 6 h of, stories recorded, which is amazing. I, and I don't want to discount that. Because even having one story recorded is priceless, but like having six, she did an amazing job. But I found out that she, her mom, passed away halfway through the project.

51:16 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Even if someone like I was listening to their stories after, because I was doing the, the audio visual editing after. Leave on the cliff hanger that she left us on. I was like like I, I just if I felt that way. I can only imagine the way that like future generations will feel listening to that. It wasn't intentional. Like they put off the project and put it off and put it off, but,

51:48 - Carrie Rickert 

sure.

51:49 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

but that's one of the things that I've had. I even have to catch myself on it. I know the value of it. I'm selling the service, you know. But I will even catch myself. It is human nature. It seems like to procrastinate, or to find reasons why This should, it's not quite as important as something else.

52:10 - Carrie Rickert 

May.

52:10 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

And speaking from the other side of that, I don't have the stories of my brother, my dad, Aunt Pat, my Grandma Florence, my Grandpa John, Grandma Waller, like I don't have any of them to think that like again, if my company had existed, like if I had thought of it, if someone else had thought of it. The treasure that I could have now and what, that, that impact that it would have on my life right now, like I can't even I would pay any amount of money in the world to have those things in my life.

52:50 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Right now, but people don't think about it and it's usually a health scare. A diagnosis or a death. That makes people think like,

53:02 - Carrie Rickert 

Oh, why didn't I have all that?

53:04 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

why didn't I do that?

53:04 - Carrie Rickert 

Yeah,

53:06 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

So.

53:08 - Carrie Rickert 

trying reach people before that.

53:11 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

reach people before that and I want, I I want reach people when they're much younger than you might think you should be to start doing this as in, like we don't need to wait until people are in their 80 s and 90 s to reflect on your life.

53:29 - Carrie Rickert 

Height.

53:29 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

That's, that is where I, I currently am helping people because I still want to, like those are the most at need people right now. But ultimately what I really want is for people to start doing this earlier and earlier and earlier because you're going to retain more of your living memory as you do this not only earlier but more frequently, and this becomes just kind of like a way that we document our lives for future generations and for ourselves. Because if you think about it, like if, if I start audio journaling now or say like in my forties or fifties and then I develop Alzheimer's, I could actually use my own stories to help ground me and remind me of who I am and where I came from And there is a lott of scientific evidence to support the idea that that can actually Alt reduce or, you know, slow the progress of dementia.

54:28 - Carrie Rickert 

Wow.

54:29 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

So it's not just even about, you know, the future generations, it's also for you. Sooner that you do it, the more you can remember and reflect on your life and, and recall the happy memories. So that's really I want people to know.

54:45 - Carrie Rickert 

that's so cool. So how can people get in touch with you or learn more about. The Memory Collective and the different services you offer.

54:55 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Sure, so definitely you can check out my site and that's the Memory Collective Co.

55:02 - Carrie Rickert 

Okay.

55:03 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

they can. There's a way to contact me directly from my site. I think on virtually every page and I would just like to say I love talking to people about like, even if you're not gonna buy anything from me, like I just love talking to people who are interested in this. I like guiding them in a direction. I like illuminating the possibilities of like they might have an idea in mind and not even realize that recorded oral storytelling could be the solution that they're looking for. Or you could, you could use it in a creative way, like uh, for instance, if you are an artist and you've got a lot of paintings or needlework or carvings, whatever it is.

55:52 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

You can use recorded oral storytelling to just talk about what those are and the processes that you went through, so that those family heirlooms actually mean something more than like, well, I think you know, my grandpa whittled this, but I don't really know anything about it. And then.

56:11 - Carrie Rickert 

That is so cool. Didn't Wow.

56:16 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

There are so many ways that you can.

56:17 - Carrie Rickert 

can have to tell my artest. Family members.

56:22 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

There, there are so many ways that it can be used in so many ways, you can use it to supplement photography and scrapbooking, you can start when you're little, and record like your childhood memories, as you see it from your child's perspective, you could start as a new parent and document your growth as a parent and like the little, the little things that your child is going through that you find just endearing or hilarious.

56:51 - Carrie Rickert 

So you don't. Forget it.

56:52 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

that you don't to forget. So there's so many ways that this can be utilized, and it's my goal for the company to eventually reach all of these demographics. So I just want people to know like this is such a versatile medium and I really think that it's the like, the, the best. Fastest and most authentic way to preserve your memories or someone else's memories, and do it quickly and accessibly. So yeah, all of that to say if you are hearing this and you're even remotely interested in learning more, I would just book a call with me to talk.

57:37 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Not for me to sell you anything, but just to talk and see what's possible because I've got like a million ideas, and uh, I need to better organize my site because it's probably overwhelming to people right now. But if you just talk to me, I can, I know that I can guide you in the right direction and help you achieve your goals.

57:58 - Carrie Rickert 

Hey.

57:59 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

and I also have a, a freebie of, like how to have this conversation with a loved one. So if you're thinking about doing this with, your parents, grandparents, or whomever, I have a free resource for like, how to have that conversation about, about how to do the, the recorded oral storytelling project.

58:22 - Carrie Rickert 

Cool. Thank you so much, Karen, this has been so much fun. Absolutely love the Memory Collective. I and and now I have even more ideas, so thank you.

58:37 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

You're welcome.

58:39 - Carrie Rickert 

but seriously, thank you for being a part of the podcast. I so enjoy talking to you today and I think, I think our audience is gonna enjoy it as well.

58:49 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Thank you so much for having me. This was so much fun. Yeah, I'm just, I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to talk on here, Thank you.

58:58 - Carrie Rickert 

Absolutely. Okay, now I have stepped the recording. That was fantastic. Thank you,

59:08 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

you.

59:08 - Carrie Rickert 

Seriously, my cousin and my aunt need to know about the art thing. Like Holy cow, that's awesome. It did not, that never would have occurred to me.

59:22 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yup. I actually got a speaking gig for next august in front of like four or five hundred people at um the national convention for needle arts um It is a thing,

59:36 - Carrie Rickert 

I didn't know that was the thing.

59:39 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

it is a thing. My mom is the president of a local chapter and she got me to write an article for their magazine, their national magazine. And the chairman saw the article and what I did and reached out and asked me to speak. That was.

59:53 - Carrie Rickert 

that is. Cool.

59:55 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

In the past couple weeks because she was like there, so many of the, their readers are constantly like, what is gonna happen to my work after I'm gone? Like I want to pass this down like my,

1:00:10 - Carrie Rickert 

Oh,

1:00:10 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

kids.

1:00:10 - Carrie Rickert 

are interested in doing it, and

1:00:13 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

But I think they would be if they knew the story behind it and and if they can't keep the, because on a certain level I do get it, like if you're pumping out like a hundred pieces a year.

1:00:26 - Carrie Rickert 

Great.

1:00:27 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

There's not enough space to be able to do that. But if you create a video of, you know, you holding up your piece and being like, this is what I did here and this is what I was thinking about and this is why I loved this piece so much, like there's gonna be more connection there, you'll have the video showing off the artifact and you're getting the sentiment of it and not just a piece,

1:00:50 - Carrie Rickert 

Far effect Great.

1:00:51 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

yeah, the artifact,

1:00:52 - Carrie Rickert 

That's awesome.

1:00:54 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

That is, I mean,

1:00:55 - Carrie Rickert 

And what that?

1:00:55 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

that's definitely something that I want to encourage people to do. It's just not. It's not necessarily the primary niche or target market that I typically I'm addressing to,

1:01:03 - Carrie Rickert 

sure.

1:01:06 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

but it's, it's absolutely a way that you can, you know, you use it.

1:01:10 - Carrie Rickert 

No, I love that, I love it and and I will pass, pass it along to my, I can see my cousin doing it for sure, like, she's very progressive. My aunt, on the other hand. Well, I think legacy is probably more important to my aunt.

1:01:30 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Okay,

1:01:31 - Carrie Rickert 

She, I think believes that legacy will just pop in and

1:01:38 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

not quite. It's usually done within a couple generations or less, sometimes even.

1:01:48 - Carrie Rickert 

But I will pass this along because I, I, it never occurred to me to do that. And then, and what a really, really cool thing today.

1:01:55 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yes, thank you,

1:01:57 - Carrie Rickert 

Like I can see that museums like learn from the artist.

1:01:59 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

yes.

1:02:01 - Carrie Rickert 

Like could you imagine if we had recorded oral story telling from Van Go or Pso, like holy crap,

1:02:09 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

Yep,

1:02:11 - Carrie Rickert 

that's awesome. I love what you do. Cara, thank for for sharing today.

1:02:16 - Kara Long | The Memory Collective 

thank you. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast. This was like just,

1:02:20 - Carrie Rickert 

Absolutely.